As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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