i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
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two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
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He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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