I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize