theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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