Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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