Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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