You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
