omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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