Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
