I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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