His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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