you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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