i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
