my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
