Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
