i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
