There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
