i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
