In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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