You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
