i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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