he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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