Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
