Don't make out with my wife yet
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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