Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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