Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
