So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
