As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
