There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
