I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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