i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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