Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize