how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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