Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
