I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
