That's when you crack a 10am beer
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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