watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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