I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Randomize
