I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
