You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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