you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He better not be in your backpack
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
