um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
