I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
