Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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