Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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