I wanna passion pit in your ass
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
