plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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