im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
