not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize