Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
