Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
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Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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