Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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