you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
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Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
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Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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