craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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