The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
