So drunk its hurt
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
