Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize