it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
