Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
