were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
