I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
