Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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