the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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