Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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