Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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