I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I will pee on everything he values.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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