what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
