ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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