Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's never too late to be topless.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
